Toilet Humor

Hey all, this is Dan. Wanted to give you the 411 on our first “intermediate” renovation task that we decided to give a shot.

Behold. Our rogue basement toilet! Well, this was the the rogue basement toilet. That is, before I smashed it with a hammer. But we’ll get to that in a bit.

We don’t know why there is a rogue toilet in our basement. Maybe he ran away from the island of misfit commodes. Nonetheless, it was old, didn’t work, and was an eyesore. And seeing that we didn’t just want a hole to the sewer hanging about we opted to put in a new toilet.

Step 1: Watch an installation video.

We found a few good ones on YouTube. The one in particular we followed was from Lowe’s and can be found here. After viewing the video, we decided we would give it a try. Worst case is we get a plumber in there to do it the right way.

Step 2: Make a list (or an Excel spreadsheet)

I cannot stress this enough. Make sure you list everything you need. Check off what you have and get the rest. This is what you will need for the project:

• new toilet
• wax ring kit (unless the toilet comes with one; it usually does but check out reviews since the Glacier Bay wax ring got bad reviews)
• tape measure
• level
• putty scraper
• utility blade
• mini hacksaw
• wrench
• flathead screwdriver
• a hammer (just in case; but we’ll get to that)
• bucket
• disposable plastic cup
• a few rags
• sponge
• work gloves
• plastic gloves
• a new supply line (we’ll get into that later as well)
• silicone sealant

Step 3: Buy a new toilet.

So what kind of toilet should you look for? Well, Erin, the brains of this operation, did some research online and found some toilets with good reviews. We fancy ourselves environmental folk so we went with an EPA friendly model that also fit our budget. So we got a Glacier Bay, dual flush (one for one, two for two) toilet for $95. We went back to Home Depot (or our home away from our home away from our home) and got a better model (American Standard) for the main bathroom and that ran us about $135.

So we paid for our first toilet and wheeled it out to Erin’s car and bam, monsoon. So we’re scrambling to get the box into Erin’s VW Golf and after some maneuvering (pivot, pivot) we got it in. Of course it blocked Erin’s view from the rearview mirror but hey, it was raining, so who needs to see cars behind them in a rain storm?

Step 4: Drain the toilet

You’ll want to turn the water off. That usually consists of turning the nozzle near the supply line or in our case, we had a lever that turned the water off and on from the pipe. Once the water is off, flush the tank. This will remove most of the water.

You’ll need the plastic gloves now as well as a sponge, rag, plastic cup and bucket.

Drain the rest of the water from the bowl and tank using the plastic cup and bucket then get it as dry as possible with a sponge and rag.

Once there is no more water left, you can disconnect the supply line and drain any excess water into the disposable cup.

Step 5: Remove the old toilet

Of course the Lowe’s video had them remove and replace the toilet in 6 minutes. It took us about 2 hours. But hey, it was our first toilet. So I’m sure the next one will be better.

Anyway, to remove the toilet, take off the decorative caps at the base that cover the bolts that have the toilet in place. Make sure you switch the plastic gloves to work gloves. Porcelain cracks easily and is quite sharp.

The first decorative cap I removed took the nut of the bolt off with it (bonus!) the second one, well, didn’t go so well. This is where the hacksaw will come in handy. If a nut won’t come off the bolt you can saw the bolt. Sadly, after 30 minutes of me (then Erin, then me, then Erin, then me again) we couldn’t get through the bolt. This was mostly because of the odd position of the toilet.

So in my head the whole time I’m thinking of the installation video “Toilets are porcelain. They crack easily.” Cut to an image of a hammer. But I push the thought out of my head because I don’t want to freak Erin out. But then, Erin says to me, as if reading my mind (Note: We do that often; she rents space in my brain from time to time when her’s gets too filled), “Remember that the video said that porcelain breaks easily.”

Seeing that we didn’t need this old toilet, I jumped up, got a hammer and smashed the hell out of the base around the stubborn bolt.

Now that the toilet was free from oppressive bolts, I could lift it and move it (put it on an old rag in case it still has some water in it). You may need to use a utility knife or blade if the sealant on the toilet is still strong, Ours wasn’t.

With the sewage pipe exposed, put a rag slightly in there to block any sewer gases from coming in while you work. Next, take the scraper and get rid of the remnants of the old wax ring.

Step 6: Install your new toilet

Check to make sure the toilet has all the required parts in the box. And give it a test sit to make sure it’s going to work for you.

Start following the instructions that come with your new toilet. One thing I should point out: toilets come in two parts. Connect them first (despite what the instructions say). It’s easier to put the entire toilet over the hole as opposed to trying to connect the tank to the bowl that’s already in place.

With your toilet assembled, put in the main bolts into the flange (this is pretty much the plastic part surrounding the sewage hole - there will be two spots for your bolts). Remove the rag and then put your wax ring over the sewage hole. The wax ring should keep the bolts in place.

Place the toilet over the bolts and secure the bolts with their nuts and your wrench. Saw off the unneeded sections of bolts and put the decorative caps on (I admit, I haven’t done that yet ... I think I want a better hacksaw).

Step 7: Turn on the water

Okay, first you want to hook up the supply line. Earlier I mentioned that you may need to buy a new one. Learn from our mistake. If your current supply line appears to be in good shape and you want to keep it, just make sure you take some measurements and make sure it can reach the new toilet. Ours didn’t so I had to make another trip to Home Depot (HD) to get one (a copper 20” one is what we ended up buying for about $6).

With the supply line connected, turn the water back on and your tank should fill up.

Look out for leaks and troubleshoot if needed. If all seems good, put the silicone sealant around the base of the toilet. Give the toilet a few flushes to test it out. Put some toilet paper around the base to look for leaks and other issues.

And that’s that!

Time spent: +/- 2 hours

Cost: $150 for new toilet, wax ring, supply line and other needed tools.

And it's all ours!

Why hello there!

I'm Erin. I will be turning 30 shortly, and my husband, Dan, and I just purchased our first house. We live in North Jersey (fist pump), and are excited to make this house our home.

I wanted to put this page together as a place for us to document what we've done, what works and what doesn't, what we've learned, and the like. We are both pretty much clueless as to home improvements/repairs, so I expect a lot of trial and error. This is a special time in our lives, and I don't want to forget any of it.

So, think of this like Young House Love/, just without the good ideas or born talent.


So, here it is, our money pit.


If you look closely you can see Dan and Max in the front door.

It's a 1954 two floor (unfinished upstairs) cape with "four" bedrooms, one full bath, one rogue basement toilet, an oven-less kitchen, and a half finished basement. And it's all ours.

I guess I should also explain that in my excitement to take pictures after the closing, I forgot to charge my camera, so please excuse the blurry cell pics.



Probably the biggest selling point for us was the property. We looked at a lot of houses with teeny-tiny backyards, or ones where you feel like you're in a fishbowl surrounded by larger houses. This one was PERFECT. It's on a cul-de-sac (how many years of living here before I stop giggling at cul-de-sac?), so there are no direct neighbors, and it's wooded. Super private!

Max decided to christen it right away.

This is the kitchen. I can only guess that some hip 70s salesman convinced the previous owner that convection cooking was the wave of the future, because he took out the oven, leaving only an electric stovetop, and what must be Thomas Edison's microwave/convection cooker.

The rest of the house is decorated in the height of 70s decor.

I give you:

Wood Paneling!

Shag Carpets!!

This Thing!!!

And, the piece de resistance: Fuzzy wallpaper. Now, even though this was strictly a reconnaissance mission, Dan couldn't wait to get his hands on those walls.

Of course, there are lots and lots more pictures to come, but I just wanted to get down an initial impression. Please don't mistake my snark for being ungrateful. I am thrilled to be a homeowner, and I truly believe this to be our dream home.